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My dearest sweet girl,
It took me a long time to write this, because I just wasnt strong enough. Dont know if I am strong enuff now, but am ready.
Again I need to tell you and will continue to tell you how very proud I am of you. Not for your grades or your accomplishments, but of what a wonderful woman you turned out to be. Yes,you left us at the young age of 16, but I feel in the ways that count, you were already a woman, who knew who she was and what she wanted to accomplish in this world. Most of us dont get to that in our lives till at least our mid 20's. I am honored, no, privilaged to have known you, much less been loved so very much by you. I have been told that the pain lessens with time. It does not. What I do think, however, is that we will all, with time, learn how to manage our pain. Some days are harder than others. But not a day goes by when a thought or memory of you doesnt make me SMILE. Yes smile. You really brighten my day, even if for an instance, before the reality kicks back in. I can openly talk about you now to anyone I encounter, and often do. And I brag on you every chance I get. I still cringe any time I see one of your dear friends driving, and even cringed harder when your sister drove a golf cart this past weekend (lol).... but hopefully Ill let that pass with time.
One of my oldest and dearest friends lost her child when he was just a baby. I think about that often.. and am SO thankful to have had you these 16 years. I have been so blessed to have known you Jessica Lynn. Yes, I wish I would have had more time. I wish I would have seen you getting ready for your prom, your graduation, your wedding, your first baby, etc. But its ok. Cuz thru all those happy times there would have been hard times too that you are spared from ever having to go through, and I keep that in mind. I know in my heart that you are safe and warm and in such total peace and harmony, and cannot feel any sorrow. That is what keeps me sane.
I miss you so much Jessie. I always will. Just know that we are trying to keep your memory alive and will not ever forget what a wonderful human being you were. I will lavish all my love on your sister and brother, who are missing you terribly also. I promise to do whatever I can to ensure happy lives for them, so dont worry about them.
I pray that God lets you feel all of our love float up to you there in heaven. Even though I cant see your smile or kiss your face, I feel your love in my heart SO strong. Thank you for sending it down to help me heal. I love you with all my heart my baby. Mommy